Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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