Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
