I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
