I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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