He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
