I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
