Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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