hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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