spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I want a musical about memes.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
