I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
