i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
