He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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