Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
