If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I forget how to act sober
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