After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
