I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
