Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
