explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
