Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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