So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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