Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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