so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
