we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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