I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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