i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
