Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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