So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
