My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
