At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
operation harelip BJ is a go
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
