I'm so fucking centered right now
someone threw a dead crab at me
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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