remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
