I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
