apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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