Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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