id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
