The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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