i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The air was thick with penises
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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