You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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