Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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