We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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