a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
