there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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