just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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