I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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