i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
