I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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