I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
