Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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