It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
