I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so let's talk penis.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Randomize
