he shaved USA in his pubs
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
